Grace

Not long before I left the skilled nursing facility I worked at, I had an amazing encounter with a patients family member. It is a story that still touches my soul and encourages me to stop and question from time to time if I could ever hope to be such a moral person.

It was an ordinary day.  *Ms. Stevens was scheduled to be discharged from the hospital and transferred to the nursing facility that afternoon. I called her daughter and set the appointment to complete her admission paperwork and start the long term care Medicaid process.

*Lillian arrived on time. She was dressed very casually, a bit of a plain, nervous looking woman with over sized glasses. She was very quiet and didn't look at me much when I introduced myself. I assumed she was understandably having a barrage of mixed feelings about "committing" her mother for long term care.

I started with the usual small talk as I opened the seemingly endless contract of information, forms and Medicare gobbly goo. She continued to look at the table.

Not wanting to prolong her discomfort, I decided to quickly give my speech and provide her my business card and wait for the inevitable questions.

I  began with the patient information form which includes the usual emergency contacts, confirm drug allergies, etc. This moves into the more personal Medicaid questionnaire. It involves the tally of all assets, incomes, liabilities. Unfortunately, this form almost always makes people very uncomfortable but the information is necessary to submit to the state in order to qualify for the Medicaid program.

She readily provided the information, but at the end, when it required a signature, she froze. "I'm not paying for her care." It was said with such force, I was kind of surprised. I assured her it did not, under any circumstances, make her liable for any bills accrued. After a bit of a hesitation, she signed it and we moved onto the stack of other Medicare, Medicaid, HIPPA and in-house forms.

Anytime a form dealt with Medicare, Medicaid or bills, she would again state "I'm not paying for her care." I continued to assure her we could not hold her liable for her mother's bills.

About three quarters of the way through, she leaned forward and burst into tears. I looked at her, stunned. She blurted out "I'm sorry, you must think I'm a horrible person." Utterly confused, I asked her "Why would you think that?" She replied "I keep telling you I'm not paying for her, and I know that sounds so cold." I put my papers down and looked at her and said "Lillian, I do not think you are a horrible person. Medical care is very, very expensive and I know I personally couldn't afford to pay for some one's long term care on top of my family's care. Please don't think I'm judging you. Your concerns are normal ones." She sat up and said "Look, she is my mother but she abandoned me twice when I was a kid. Once when I was two,  I don't remember that one,  the next time I was seven and she left me at a carnival. She just took off with one of the Carnies and left me there, all  alone. I was scared to death! Her sister took me in and raised me. Whenever my mother would come to visit, she always let me know what an inconvenience I was".

My heart broke for Lillian. I imagined that poor child, all alone amongst all those strangers. As I looked at Lillian, I was overwhelmed with her dilemma. I was both sad and in awe at the same time.

Here was a woman who obviously was still pained by what her mother had put her through.  Her mother had decided to discard her like yesterday's trash. What did that feel like? Was her aunt willing to take her in, or had she been pressured? What type of childhood had Lillian experienced?

With all of these thoughts and emotions raging through me, I stood up and gathered Lillian in my arms. This beautiful woman, who had endured such pain, actually had the grace and decency to ensure this vile "mother" was taken care of. Many people who have suffered at the hands of  a parent often will turn a blind eye or even take pleasure in the said parents decline in health (trust me, I saw a lot of good and true evil while I worked there) and take that opportunity to "get even".

"Lillian, I am so in awe of you right now. Don't you dare believe for one second you are a bad person. I admire you so much for being such a loving human being that you would still watch out for your mother after all that she put you through. Not many people would to that. Here you are, listening to all of this, taking time out of your life, to make sure she is taken care of. You are an awesome person!"

Lillian seemed a bit relieved but shared that she probably wouldn't visit much. She wanted her mother taken care of, but she just couldn't bring her self to personally do so. Her guilt amazed me and touched my heart. It was a shame that Ms. Stevens didn't have a clue what an amazing daughter she had missed out on.

I moved to Virginia shortly after Ms. Stevens was admitted but Lillian made such an impression on me that I'll never forget her. I pray that she knows what an amazing human being she is and she finds it in her heart  to heal. No one should have to carry a burden like she has.

As much as I would love to think bad thoughts about Ms. Stevens, Lillian's actions are a valuable lesson to me. Just as I could have judged Lillian in her worries about finances and assumed she was uncaring and greedy, one has to think...what happened to Ms. Stevens to make her so seemingly callous? Did she perhaps have a mental illness that caused her to just leave her child? Did she do it because she thought her daughter would be better off? We will never know.

This I do know, when someone hurts me, I have control over the fate of how I deal with it. I can be angry and take it out on the world, or grow with it. If Lillian can forgive her mother for such a horrid circumstance, I hope I can find it in my heart to use grace in my forgiveness of others.

Lillian, wherever you are, thank you for being such a beautiful person. The world needs more people like you!


*Names changed to protect patient privacy.

This Sucks!

Pardon the expression, but this week has totally, utterly, miserably, sucked. I'm honestly really kind of angry at what a sucky week this really was.

I'm sitting here trying to think of something clever to write for this week's entry in "Fate and Circumstance", but I just keep thinking of how much I didn't like this week.

On Monday, my poor little one-year old grandson had to have surgery to fix a totally, utterly, botched circumcision. Let me tell you, it rips your heart out to see that perpetually happy child crying in pain. The good news is that once he heals, he should be fine. I pray he heals VERY quickly.

Tuesday: sucked...our sweet, comical dog, Timmy, started to again have a series of cluster seizures. This had happened about a month ago and we were able to pull him through. I had hopes we could do it again, even though they had intensified. This was a battle we had dealt with for the last 3 years and I thought for sure we could do it again.

Wednesday really was horrible. The seizures couldn't be controlled and decisions had to be made. I wanted to write a tribute about our crazy, sweet, lovable Timmy but it hurts too much. We said goodbye to him Wednesday afternoon.

I  don't remember much of Thursday. The emotions and lack of sleep from the prior three days really affected me. I know I went to work early but I guess I just tried not to think about much.

The last two days I can't access the college's "Blackboard" where all of our assignments are listed. Great, I can't get my homework done. More stress and aggravation. I just wanted to get everything done so I can relax. Sucks!

I guess I have a choice. I can look at these circumstances and say my fate is to be depressed and feel miserable.

Nope. Time to take the bull by the horns and un-suck the weekend. I'm so done with the suckiness.

I choose to think about all of the kindnesses and professionalism that was shown by the wonderful staff at The Children's Urology Center and the fact the doctor repaired my grandson.

I choose to remember how much joy Timmy brought to our lives and the wonderful impact that adopting an "unwanted" animal brought to our lives for nearly nine years. Anyone who met him knew how awesome he was. If ever there was a dog who could have been a stand up comedian, it was Timmy!

I choose to count how blessed I am to have the outpouring of understanding support from wonderful people who know the pain of losing a beloved pet, a member of our family, and the fact that Timmy was surrounded by a staff of veterinary medical professionals that truly loved and fought for him.

I'm blessed to work at Heather House Studio, where my boss's have been wonderfully supportive this week by allowing me to take the time to help with my grandson. They also allowed me to bring Timmy to work with me so I could monitor him on Tuesday and understood when I didn't go to work when we had to make that horrible decision on Wednesday.

I'm thankful today is supposed to be a nice day. We are going to take the family to the pumpkin patch and take tons of happy pictures.

As far as the homework goes, I'm going to say a prayer that the site begins to work. If not, I will deal with it later. Today will not suck. :)

The Pitbull Who Changed My Mind

  
I'm an animal lover. Well, I should say I love all animals except hippos and until 2 years ago, Pit Bulls. The hippo thing won't ever change. Ever. But that's a different story.

In May of 2010, my daughter woke me in distress, shoving a cold, wet and whiny puppy in my face. "Mom, you have to help this puppy, he's really sick."

I opened one eye and replied "uh, yea, it's too young to be away from its mother". By the size of the pup, the ear openings, and the eyes of the pup, I aged it at about three weeks. She then told me the mother had died and the "breeder" had sold the puppies because "they couldn't take care of them". I will refrain from my rant about irresponsible"breeding".

As I sat up in bed to take a closer look at the tiny little pup that fit in my hand, I sighed...a stinkin' Pit Bull! The one and only breed I despise and I'm supposed to help it? Why? So it can eat my leg off? Terrorize the world?

In that moment, as I silently cursed the situation and cradled that cold, listless little "beast" in my hands, I never imagined how this dog was going to affect my life.

After a night of slowly warming the pup and forcing liquids into him, I took him to my vet for an exam. Tom checked him over thoroughly, noting the paleness of his gums and his ridiculously bloated belly coupled with extreme listlessness.

About 30 minutes later, the blood and fecal results were ready. "Amy, you do know he's probably not going to make it, right?” I nodded in agreement, but the challenge was now on. All of God's creatures deserve a chance, even the dreaded Pit Bull.

I could write for days the list of wonderful, devoted people who pulled together to help this pathetic little pup. Tom the vet, took him home for two days. The pup came to Richmond Animal League’s Loving Spay and Neuter Clinic with me almost daily, where, in typical RAL fashion, my friends, staff and fellow volunteers I didn't even know, eagerly held him, fed him, and kept a constant vigil over this little guy. It took about a week of force feeding before his appetite kicked in. Constant dewormings (18 total...the normal is one to two), supplemental nutritional drops, special puppy foods and many loving hands finally pulled him through. Sadly, over the next four to five days, we would hear one by one, how each of his 11 litter mates died, as they did not receive even a chance at proper care.

The boy who had originally purchased the pup didn't realize the special care this dog was going to need for the long haul. Not only because of his health issues, but the behavioral issues often found in dogs that are separated from their mothers at such an early age. With the help of both Tom and my daughter, the boy finally relinquished ownership to me. I had every intention of getting the puppy stable enough to find him a good home with someone crazy enough to adopt a Pit Bull.

One day my husband said "we ought to call him something besides "him". As fellow dog lovers will agree, naming a dog is dangerous territory...it often leads to "adoption" by said fosters and there was no way this Pit Bull was staying on a permanent basis in MY home. Hesitantly I asked what he was thinking, Pit Bull Baby...P.B.B ...Pibbs? This was a strange name, let's keep it formal, you know, to keep the distance from him I thought. "I like MR. Pibbs better". Non committal, not too cute. Yep, it would do.

By this point, Mr. Pibbs was about three and a half months old. Finally he was declared worm free and my own two female dogs were eager to "mother" him. Libby, my own personal RAL "foster failure" quickly became his surrogate mom and Angel, his annoying big sister, was eager to correct him on EVERYTHING. He ate the attention up!

I started to do research on Pit Bulls. How much time do I have before he "turns"? I just knew this sweet cuddle bug of a puppy who loved to go out front and sniff flowers would become a menace to society soon.

Training. Everything I read about Pit Bulls went back to training, consistency, being a good leader, etc. I wanted this pup to have the best chance at life so my husband and I agreed we would take him to obedience class so his new owners might have a prayer.

In comes Rich, the dog trainer. He patiently listens to my questions and concerns. Rich loves Pit Bulls. As a matter of fact, Rich, on his own time, is a legal advocate for the breed. He has owned two Pit Bulls, both of them rescue dogs. As he talks about his beloved Sammy, who has passed on, I hear a slight catch in his voice. I silently think, well, that amazing dog must have been a fluke. That doesn't sound like any Pit Bull I've ever heard of in the news.

We start beginner’s class. Graduate. On to Intermediate. Piece of cake. Advanced? Breezed through it. Mr. Pibbs is invited to the Canine Good Citizen class. Always eager to please us, he graduates with honors and receives his certificate from the American Kennel Club.

We have done our job. Time to find him a home. I take him back to see Tom one last time to ensure he is healthy.

During the exam, Tom steps back and says "Amy, he has bonded with your family so much, I'm kind of worried that you might be setting him up for failure if you place him somewhere else." I look at Tom and again at Mr. Pibbs. My eyes well up with tears and I whisper "thank you".

When I went home and shared the news with Don, he smiles and immediately says to Mr. Pibbs "welcome home little buddy!” He doesn't admit it right away, but you can see he's as happy as I am that this goofy, happy dog is destined to be with us.

Today, Mr. Pibbs and my one year old grandson are best buds. We were cautious and slow with the introductions and using common sense, the baby is never alone with any of our dogs. Mr. Pibbs and Maddox play ball, Maddox sneaks him treats and kisses. Mr. Pibbs takes great pride in watching over Maddox and will dutifully listen to our resident "mini Caesar Milan".

He still loves to go to Petco and visit "Uncle Rich", jumps at the chance to visit all of his many friends at RAL and loves kids and kittens. He adores Frisbee, following commands (show off!) and will still stop and sniff the flowers. Mr. Pibbs thinks everyone is his friend but watch out for his tail...aka the "happy whip". Just ask anyone who loves Pibbs…that tail hurts!

Since I took the time to educate myself, I have come to know countless fabulous Pit Bulls. They tend to be loving, devoted dogs that are eager to please humans. Their love and loyalty are beyond measure. Sadly, they are also the most misunderstood and discriminated against breed. I'm ashamed at the fact I was once one of those people. Entire counties have outlawed and euthanized countless dogs that are even "suspected" to have any type of Pit Bull DNA. Many of these dogs were actually ripped from their homes for absolutely no reason and destroyed. These were loving pets whose responsible owners were left in complete dismay and shock as their dogs were taken.

The decision to keep Mr. Pibbs has impacted my life so much, even outside of the home. My hatred of the breed is now replaced with compassion and admiration. I am also an advocate for the breed. I feel privileged to occasionally help with the wonderful Gracie's Guardians, RAL's Pit Bull division. This group came into existense in part due to the Michael Vick dog fighting atrocities, with Gracie being one of the actual dogs rescued from this ring of horrors. This small group of wonderful, devoted people quietly spend countless hours rescuing, advocating and educating for this breed. They do fundraisers to help raise awareness and gather funds to sponsor spay and neuter programs. They are kind, humble people who truly love the breed.

Pit Bulls are awesome dogs, but they are not for everybody. They need a strong, consistent leader who understands their behavior. Responsible ownership, as with any dog, is key. Their love of people is unbelievable if you understand them.

October is Pit Bull Awareness Month. Gracie's Guardian's will be hosting an encore screening of the informative documentary, "Beyond the Myth" on Sunday, October 14, 2012 at the Byrd Theater, 2908 W. Cary St. Richmond VA, 23221.

I have seen this documentary and highly recommend it. It is informative and realistic about the breed. It also shows the shocking extreme measures some cities have taken to eradicate the breed, based on nothing but hatred and myths.

Mr. Pibbs is not perfect. His one downfall has been his dislike of certain other dogs. We work with him and make sure he is never in a situation he shouldn't be in.

Who am I to judge? I don't like hippos.

***For further information regarding Gracie's Guardian's or tickets for "Beyond the Myth", please visit RAL's website @ www.ral.org. You can also find Gracie's on Facebook.